


I love you (let me show you)

by FandomTrash24601



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Fluff, M/M, Married Spirk, Mild self worth issues, Realizations of Love, Self-Worth Issues, T'hy'la, but nobody actually dies, lots of fluff, mentions of Spock and Jim Prime, near death circumstances, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 22:06:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FandomTrash24601/pseuds/FandomTrash24601
Summary: Jim and Spock each reveal to each other during a mind meld the moments when they realized they loved the other one.





	I love you (let me show you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [luckynote](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckynote/gifts).



_Spock? Are you awake?_

The voice came through their young bond just as Spock was about to fall asleep. For an individual from a psi-null species, Jim was growing used to the bond extremely easily. It had only been formed three days ago, and yet Jim was already learning to navigate it.

Spock blinked his eyes open to find Jim staring at him. His blue eyes were almost too wide, his red, kiss-puffed lips parted slightly. They lay on their sides in their darkened quarters, fingers brushing in the space between them.

"Yes, Jim?"

"I love you so much," Jim murmured, his eyes never leaving Spock's own. "I just... I can't believe that I managed to get you to fall in love with me."

"It was not difficult, t'hy'la," Spock responded in kind, stroking his fingers along Jim's. "We are destined to be together across all universes."

"A constant." Jim remembered what Ambassador Spock had told him once, before his passing. That Jim need not worry about Spock's affection for him, because they were a constant that held true across seemingly every universe.

"It seems we both deceived ourselves," Spock said, removing his hand from Jim's only to wrap it around Jim's waist to pull him closer. The contentment that Spock derived from the simple meeting of flesh was not a feeling that Spock believed that he would ever grow tired of. Jim tangled his ankles with Spock's, moving even closer.

"How so?"

"When the Ambassador informed me of his relationship with his own Jim, I did not believe that we could achieve the same. I doubted your affection for me. I should not have. It was only after I learned of us being a universal constant that I began to believe that you might, perhaps, love me too."

"And clearly I did," Jim said, smiling into Spock's chest.

"Indeed."

They lay in silence for a few moments, Spock enjoying cradling Jim close to him, until their bond flared to life again.

_I didn't think that you loved me, either, until I learned about the whole universal constant thing. I knew from the meld that I had shared with the Ambassador that they had been romantically involved, but I figured that since I was so much more broken and so different from that other Jim, that you wouldn't love me. That our relationship could never be like that._

_You are not broken,_ Spock assured him fiercely, pulling Jim even closer. _And neither of us are our counterparts. I myself am far different from the Ambassador._

_I know,_ Jim thought. _I've learned, since then._

Jim pulled back from Spock's embrace, looking him in the eye with a curious intensity.

"Can I see the moment you realized that you were in love with me?" He whispered.

Jim seemed so vulnerable, and Spock wasn't quite sure if his heart felt like it was breaking of bursting. Here was the hero James T. Kirk behind his facade of complete confidence and swagger. Here he was at his softest, and Spock was trusted enough for Jim to let Spock see him like this.

Spock nodded around the lump in his throat and raised his hand to press it against Jim's psi points. Jim's eyes fluttered shut, and be tipped his head slightly to give Spock better access. The trust that Jim's simple motion conveyed was enough to steal Spock's breath.

_My mind to your mind,_ he thought, eyes sliding shut. _My thoughts to your thoughts._

Jim's mind was bright and powerful, warm and all-encompassing. It reminded Spock of the comfort he had felt once as a child, sitting on the veranda of his parent's house and letting the hot suns of Vulcan beat down on him. His mother's quiet singing had drifted from the kitchen, where she was beginning to prepare dinner, and Spock had never felt as safe as he had in that moment.

And now here was Jim, his mind as comforting as one of Spock's best memories. How he had been fortunate enough to gain a husband such as James Kirk, he still did not know. He did not believe that he had done anything to deserve such affection from such a great man.

They stumbled into Spock's memory together, entwined as they would be for all eternity.

_Spock and Jim are on an away mission. They were supposed to observe and report on the progress that the planet's civilization had made towards warp technology. Of course, the mission had gone wrong very quickly, as they always seemed to._

_The species was paranoid, and they had beamed down too close to a group of them who seemed to be hunting. They ran, and were pursued by the group. The two other landing party members had been shot, and Scotty managed to beam them up through the interference of an unexpected storm._

_After that, the storm grew too thick for even communication, much less transport, and so Jim and Spock were alone. The hunters shot one last time after the other two members of the party were beamed up, and then presumably returned to their campsite to wether out the storm there._

_That one shot, however, had managed to hit Spock._

_They are currently in a cave that Jim found, and Spock is well on his way to bleeding out. Jim is trained for emergency first aid, but his expertise is focused more on human biology._

_The sky beyond the cave is an odd shade of orange, vaguely reminiscent of the few rainstorms that Spock had experienced on Vulcan. His mother loves them, the rainstorms._

_There is someone speaking, but Spock doesn't quite care to focus on the words when the sky is such a lovely shade of orange. Why won't the person be quiet and admire the sky? The rain will come soon._

_But no, there are no green trees on Vulcan, and certainly nobody in his household would dare slap him across the face as he has just been._

_"...n me! You've got to stay awake, Spock!"_

_Why does have to stay awake? What's so important? Is it the rain? It is exciting, yes, but what Vulcan would lose their emotional control over water?_

_Spock turns his head and is surprised to find that it is not a Vulcan by his side, but a human man. He's in a cave, as well, not his home, and he's laying down. Why is he laying down? He does feel dizzy and weak, and he can't quite breathe correctly. Perhaps he is ill. But why is he in a cave? Shouldn't he be in bed, or in a hospital?_

_His stomach feels wet._

_The man above him is incredibly attractive, with eyes far bluer than anything Spock has ever seen on Vulcan, and hair as gold as the setting suns. He has always loved the suns, and watching them fall behind the horizon. The man's skin is flushed pink, like mother's, and he's still yelling but Spock can't quite hear him._

_He wants to hear him, though. The man probably has a nice voice. Spock focuses._

_"...lease, come on! Don't fall asleep, Spock, I'm begging you. I'll get us out of here somehow."_

_The man knows Spock's name. That's the second time he's used it. How does he know Spock's name? They've never met, because Spock would remember such an attractive man._

_The man's hands are on his stomach, pressing down, and the pain is terrible. The man's panic floods through Spock, and his vision fades._

_The yelling fades too, and Spock drifts._

_When he wakes up, he is in sickbay. Doctor M'Benga is by his side within seconds, giving him a small smile._

_"Good afternoon, Commander. How do you feel?" Spock blinks._

_"I feel very weak, and tired."_

_"That's to be expected. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"_

_The man with the golden hair, Jim. He was yelling._

_"The Captain was encouraging me to stay awake, and attempting to stop the blood loss." M'Benga nods._

_"He's the only reason you're not dead. He managed to find a frequency that could bypass the storm, and Scotty beamed you up. There was something about the weapon that caused disorientation and some temporary memory loss-"_ They've never met, because Spock would remember such an attractive man. _"-as well as preventing you from entering a healing trance. We're still not sure why or how, but you've been out for five days now." M'Benga pauses, looking directly into Spock's eyes. "The captain has been by your side as often as he can. If he wasn't working or getting the barest amount possible of food and sleep that he could get away with without McCoy throwing a fit, he was by your side. He should be here any moment, actually. His shift let out a minute or two ago."_

_As if summoned, Jim chooses that moment to enter. When he sees that Spock's awake, his eyes light up and he jogs to Spock's bedside._

_"Spock! I'm glad you're okay. How are you feeling?"_

_Spock can only stare for a moment, memories flying through his head._

The man above him is incredibly attractive.

_Jim blinks, frowns._

_"Spock?"_

"...I'm begging you."

_Jim Kirk doesn't beg. He just doesn't._

_"Commander Spock?" That's M'Benga this time, and Spock takes a breath to steady himself._

_"I am adequate, Captain."_

_Jim's small smile is heartwarming, and the urge to press a kiss to Jim's lips is so strong and feels so right, that he almost does it. He manages to catch himself, and turns the motion into a simple shift in position._

_"Good," Jim says. "That's good."_

The memory faded, Jim's presence slipping from his mind. It left Spock feeling cold and bereft, and he opened his eyes to find Jim staring at him. His eyes contained a myriad of emotions, and were unreadable.

"I was so scared," Jim whispered, leaning forward so his forehead pressed against Spock's. Their breaths mingled in the centimeters between their mouths.

"I had come closer to death before, Jim," Spock said, puzzled.

"I know, I know, but never like that. You... you weren't the you that I knew. It was the difference from every other near death scenario, I think, that scared the shit out of me. You didn't recognize me when you looked at me." Jim laughed quietly, his mood shifting. "You still thought I was attractive, though."

"May I inquire as to when you realized you loved me?" Jim grinned.

"It's kind of stupid," he murmured. "Nothing quite as dramatic."

"Is it supposed to be dramatic?" Jim shrugged and shook his head, nose brushing against Jim's in what he believed was referred to as an 'Eskimo kiss.'

"Not really, I suppose, but my realization doesn't quite feel up to par with yours."

"I am sure that it will be satisfactory. May I see it?" Jim smiled and pressed a kiss to his mouth before pulling back somewhat.

"Yeah, go for it. I'm yours, Spock, all of me."

"And I am yours, Jim."

Spock pressed his fingers against Jim's face again, and reveled in the feeling of Jim's consciousness washing over his, a golden supernova. Jim subconsciously directed him to the correct memories, in one of the brighter sections of his mind. The section radiated love, and pulled Spock in greedily.

_Jim is laying in a biobed in sickbay after an away mission gone bad. He's been here two days, will be here another two if Bones has anything to say about it. Which, being Jim's primary physician, he does. Jim is also bored out of his mind. He's been laying there for hours, with little to do, and is tempted to break out if only to watch the vein in Bones' temple twitch when he's inevitably caught._

_The door swishes open, and Jim's hopes of immediate escape fall. Spock is standing in the doorway, and if there's anyone as dedicated to Jim's health and safety as Bones, it's Spock. He looks impeccable as always, but carries with him a 3D chess set. Jim can feel his face light up._

_"Spock!"_

_"Captain," Spock responds, as cool as ever, and walks over to him. "Would you like to participate in a game of chess with me?"_

_"Yes, Spock, dear God. I feel like I'm going to go out of my mind if I'm kept here much longer with nothing to do." That last portion is aimed as Bones, who Jim knows is within hearing range. There's no response from the grouchy doctor._

_Spock puts a tray down across Jim's lap and sets up the board there while Jim struggles slightly to sit up. He does not provide assistance, something Jim appreciates. If there's one thing he hates, it's being considered weak or in need of help._

_When Jim is properly settled against some pillows, Spock makes his first move. It's a pawn. Jim makes his own first move before speaking._

_"Thanks for coming to play with me, Spock," Jim says. "Seriously. You've probably got a lot to do, being acting captain and the chief science officer."_

_"I have noticed that over the last two days, Doctor McCoy's attitude has grown increasingly worse. The most likely cause was you being 'trapped' here and being generally- as the doctor would put it- an insufferable brat."_

_Jim laughs loud enough to drown out Bones' protests. The laughter hurts a bit, but he doesn't care in the slightest._

_"You're here to make sure that Bones doesn't bite anyone's head off?" Spock nods slightly as he moves his next piece._

_"Indeed."_

_"So you didn't come down here just because you missed me?" Jim says, pouting for effect._

_"I did not come down here solely to alleviate Doctor McCoy's stress." Spock says. Jim moves his piece. "I also visited in order to provide you with entertainment so that you would not attempt an escape due to boredom."_

_"You'd damn well better not, if you know what's good for you, you corn-fed idiot," Bones hollers from his open-doored office._

_Jim looks at Spock, whose eyes glimmer with amusement that he will never admit to. Jim grins crookedly._

_"I was actually about to plan my escape when you came in," he says quietly. The look in Spock's eyes doesn't change. Jim blinks, and then his eyes widen. "Wait, did you know I was planning an escape?" He makes sure to keep his voice low so that Bones can't hear him say that._

_"You normally attempt to escape on the second day of being in sickbay if you are able to walk by then. If not, you plan your escape for as soon as you are able to walk."_

_Jim laughs, surprised. He had no idea that he was so predictable._

_"You know me so well."_

_"I endeavor to do so."_

_Spock moves another piece, his fingers long and dexterous. Jim has to fight a really strong, really sudden urge to grab and hold his hand._

_Wait._

_What?_

_Then, as if hit by a wall (which he knows the feeling of all too well), he encounters an epiphany. He feels his mouth drop open slightly, and his lungs refuse to cooperate for a moment._

_How did he not realize sooner? How could he have been so blind?_

_He makes sure to close his mouth and start breathing normally before Spock looks up. He grins at Spock for no reason, and when Spock looks at him quizzically, Jim feels honest-to-God butterflies in his stomach._

_Oh, man, he's so far gone._

When they receded from the meld, Jim laughed quietly and kissed him.

"That took me too long to figure out," he said. "Way, _way_ too long. I'm such a fool."

"Your realization was before mine," Spock reminded him. "And if either of us is the fool, it is me. Even after... Even after your death I could not see that what I felt for you was far beyond friendship."

"We're emotionally stunted people," Jim murmured, shifting closer to Spock. His eyes began to slide shut. "But we found each other, despite that."

_Indeed we did, t'hy'la,_ Spock said along their bond. He pressed his nose into Jim's hair and wrapped his arms more securely around his husband. _Now get some rest. We must be up early tomorrow._

The only response that Spock received was a quiet snore.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a secret-Santa-like event. I really enjoyed writing this, because the other thing I've been working on is so angsty, it was really nice to switch to more fluffy stuff for a change. I hope you all enjoy it as well!


End file.
